“Hollywood is a place where they’ll pay you a thousand dollars for a kiss and fifty cents for your soul.”
Marilyn Monroe
On A Lighter Note
Music is one of the most soothing things in the world. And when you’re already in a good mood it gets that much better. Getting my music surveys is always exciting and can almost always put a smile on my face. Getting a chance to hear something new can give a great spark. Whether it’s from a band you already know and love, or someone you haven’t heard before. There’s a certain rush that comes with falling in love with a song the first time you hear it.
There can also be time when you have an orgasmic let down from someone that you’ve loved forever. Those times seem to be few and far between though. More often then not, I find a new reason to love them more. Whether it be from the fact that they have stepped outside of the box that they’ve been known for, or that they finally have the freedom to do whatever the hell they feel like. Eddie Vedder from Pearl Jam is releasing an all ukulele album for crying out loud! That’s freedom that’s way outside the box.
That’s the kind of thing that seems to be missing from so many people’s lives. Not just being able to do whatever you want whenever you want, but being able to do things that you normally wouldn’t because of expectations. Deciding one day to go bunjee jumping or skydiving or deep sea fishing. Or even trying a new restaurant. Try something new, you never know, it could be the best decision you’ve ever made…
Everlasting light - The Black Keys (by phuq1deology)
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There are things in this life that I will never quite understand… The desire for acceptance, the need to be a part of something. If you’re going to ask for acceptance, then ask it of yourself. If you need to be a part of something, be part of your own story. As a matter of fact, take the lead role. Because that is where you truly belong. No one can control your story but you. And anyone that tries to tell you different is probably selling something.
I’m not saying that I don’t want those things. I’m saying that I don’t understand why they have become so important to society. Especially in a country like ours. One that was formed to be free from persecution. Only to turn into the judgemental and hoarding society that is has become. The people that have caused this only aim to please themselves.
I try to pass judgement as little as little as I can. But there comes a point in every persons life when they realize that they must. For some it happens several times. You realize that a habit or a person in your life has become toxic and you need to make the situation known. I have personally reached this point several times. I don’t believe it to be a bad thing though. It can help to cleanse you. Rid you of things that have been bringing you down, making you feel like less than nothing.
I like to look back at these moments later on. Because in the heat of the moment you don’t know if you made the right decision. But the truth of the matter is, if you debate cutting someone/something out of your life, they probably didn’t deserve to be there in the first place…
Thoughts
Its loud. Louder than one would expect for the amount of people in the room. This is mostly aided by two disobedient children at the front of the room. Not that it matters, its been noisey in my head for days now. Eventually it will stop. For now i just need to push through. Kids just left, that helps some. Today is not going to be a good day no matter what i do. I wish it could be though. Its a close friends birthday. Wish i could celebrate with her. Instead I’m here… waiting to hear my name called. Waiting to know my fate. Hoping for the best but expecting the worst. The only potential for good is to have forgiveness given to me. The only solice i can take is knowing that I’m not in the wrong. Knowing that it was a big misunderstanding. Fingers crossed that the powers that be can see this. The time is going slower now. Yet people seem to disappear from the room. About 20 of us now. All with a different fate awaiting us. All with a different story to tell. Some may be true, some probably aren’t. But that’s not for me to decide. The only thing that i can decide is whether i fight this or not. I want to be abl to breathe easy. Spring is coming after all. Yet my chest feels constricted and my mind feels restrained. Unable to let go of stress and relax. Of course the last few days have been no help in fixing that. One day. That’s all i can hope for. One day. All of this frustration will be gone and I’ll be able to relax, to live, to BREATHE. It seemz far fetched right now, but I’m holding out hope. That’s it for now. Maybe something more will come up later.
